we were born with nothing and we sure as hell have nothing now

[limped]

[ text | voice | video | action ]

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IDK SOME KIND OF EUDIO AU;

[saints]

[ This is totally the right number, you have Ellie's face and everything. ]

Hey, Elliot, I've got a spell that needs doing and it's a tango for two. It requires a precision touch anyways and you know as well as I do that Max isn't capable of that sort of thing. Marco's fighting some weird fire and Dani's off at his tat shop today so that leaves just the two of us.

I'll owe you one or something. Maybe.

Just the sooner the better, alright?

LAUGHS

[limped]

[ Give Newt a minute to try to process the words that he's just been subjected to. Is he being hit on? Is he being harassed? ]

Ya seem to have the wrong number, I'm not Elliot.

[ Yeah, that's a great answer. But... He can't help his curiosity. ]

Spell?

Re: LAUGHS

[saints]

[ A combination of the two. ]

Son of a bitch, why are there so many damn people who look like people I know.

[ There's a sigh that goes here. ]

Yeah, uh, call it magical calisthenics. It works best with a partner and I... really need one.

[limped]

I don't look like anyone but myself, shuck-face.

[ Newt's voice sounds a little tense at the thought. WCKD probably isn't above clones and it's a freaky thought. ]

Magical calisthenics? What the bloody hell is that even supposed to be? Like a wizard?

[ Something scratches in the back of his mind, you're a wizard. ]

[saints]

Nope. Definitely sure you and Elliot bear a real scary resemblance.

[ Down, boy, down. ]

Listen, like you hone any skill, you have to hone your magic. It's just a thing that needs doing, man.

Wizard? Yeah. Basically. Wing of bat. Tongue of newt. Not as much toil and trouble as before, though. We've perfected that.

[limped]

Yeah, okay, sure.

[ Hear that? He's brushing you off Tristan, he doesn't buy a word of it. ]

T-tongue of Newt? [ Please leave his tongue alone??? ] What do ya want with my tongue? I'm not givin' ya my tongue or helpin' you with your weird spell or whatever.

[ Newt isn't sure what's going on anymore. ]

pretend oasis has text

[shuckit]

dude this parrot is stalking me

Pretending. It will in the future

[limped]

tommy im gonna need a little more than that to know what youre talkin about .

hurraaaaah

[shuckit]

there's this shuck parrot, man

it crapped on my backpack

and it stole my sandwich

and it's freaking following me

[limped]

bet it thinks you're a shucky lookin greenie .

was it a cheese sandwich ? are you wasting the little cheese we have ??

i will hunt that bird .

wait how did it get your sandwich ?

[shuckit]

well it definitely thinks im a shuckface because that's the one word it picked up out of everything i shouted at it after it took the sandwich

it might have been

good luck, ive been trying to hit it with rocks, its invincible

i was making map notes and i had my sandwich out on top of my pack and it swooped down like a slinthead and took it

[limped]

dont bloody feed my cheese to the wildlife !

and thats because you are a shuckface . shuckface .

you can fight grievers and hunt but you cant take a parrot ...

youre not getting another .

[shuckit]

i didnt!!! it was stolen!!!

says the klunkhead

yeah well grievers dont fly and theyre a lot bigger targets

whatever ill just fry this bird once i catch it

[limped]

you let it get stolen !

mmmm tommy this cheese sandwich is soo good .

really ?? i wasnt aware tell me more about grievers .

ill have another sandwich for you when you get back empty handed and stomached .

[shuckit]

i was busy! i didnt realize the bird was a demon bird!

i hate you man

ok if parrots are so easy to kill how about you come out here and hunt it down?

im staying out here til i get it. that bird is mine.

[limped]

sounds to me like you were just bein dumb .

mmmm cant read you over how good this sandwich is . i bet you wish you still had yours .

fine im comin to find ya and im bringin a sandwich for ya .

[shuckit]

i hope the devil parrot klunks on your head

no, no you enjoy your sandwich, newt

you know i think im gonna name it after you. the asshole bird. newt the jerk parrot.

[limped]

the parrot doesnt have it out for me .

i can multitask . which way did ya go ?

so ya wanna kill and eat a bird named after me ? thats jacked . im bloody weirded out .

[saints]

Newt? Your name is Newt. Wow. No, I meant the... lizard, not... a person's actual tongue. Bad example then... Tongue of Newt's cliché and doesn't really work that well anyways in most of the spells I have to use,

[ Aaaaanyways. ]

so even if it did require tongue from a boy named "Newt" I don't think I'd go that route.

[limped]

Yes, my name is Newt and you aren't gettin' my buggin' tongue so you can get off that bloody thought.

[ He's still alarmed, this is alarming. Is there an option for car alarm noises in humans?

...

WHAT. ]

What shuck route would you go?

[ IS HE BEING HIT ON OR THREATENED????? HE'LL DO YOUR HEAD IN, MATE, HE AIN'T SCARED. POMERANIAN MODE ACTIVATED. ]