limped | and how many times have i prayed

Newt put his hands against the cool metal of the wall to steady himself as the lift jolted to life.
His name, Newt, floated in his thoughts.

But it didn't feel right. It felt wrong.
Like someone had broken into his mind and spray-painted it there, a scribble of graffiti.
Newt wasn't his real name. Someone had stolen his real name from him.
Like everything else. Everything. What made him...him.

Tears leaked from his eyes as he squeezed them shut trying to picture his mom or his dad or his sister.
His best friend.
His dog.
Empty faces stared back, their eyes and noses and mouths scribbled from existence.
Newt screamed, then stared upward. Waiting.

all that pain and misery and loneliness and it just made him kind

thnks fr th mmrs vn thgh thy wrnt s grt

and said, i, was out my head, i was out of control. thought i was living, but i wasn’t and sometimes, you crash and you burn

dear thomas,
this is the first letter i can remember writing.
obviously i don’t know if i wrote any before the maze. but, even if it’s not my first, it’s likely to be my l a s t .
i want you to know that i’m not scared.
well not of dying, anyway, it’s more forgetting.
it’s l o s i n g m y s e l f to this virus, that’s what scares me.
so every night i’ve been saying their names out loud.
alby. winston. chuck.
and i just repeat them over and over like a p r a y e r , and it all comes flooding back.
just the little things like where the sun used to hit the glade at that perfect moment right before it slipped beneath the walls.
and i remember the taste of frypan’s stew – i never thought i’d miss that stuff so much.
( by the way don’t ever ask what’s in it) )
i remember y o u ,
i remember the first time you came up in the box, just a scared little greenie who couldn’t even remember his own name.
from that moment you ran into the maze i knew i would follow you anywhere.
and i have. we all have.
if i could do it all over again, i w o u l d . and i wouldn’t change a thing.
and my h o p e for you is that when you’re looking back years from now you’ll be able to say the same.
the future is in your hands now tommy, and i know you’ll find a way to do what’s right.
you always have.
take care of everyone for me. and take care of yourself.
you d e s e r v e to be happy.
thank you for being my friend.
goodbye mate,
newt.

darling, dearest, dead.

please, please, tommy, please.

death does not discriminate
between the sinners and the saints
it takes
and it takes
and it takes